Pregnancy vs Your Body!

<Apologies for the delay in getting this post out, to say ‘life happened’ is an understatement, I will share the details in a future post but in short, I started writing this post as a pregnant mum of one and am finishing it as a woman who became a mum of two eight weeks earlier than I expected!>

Like everything else in this world, when it comes to pregnancy the media have a lot to answer for! An expectant mum on tv will have smooth skin, a healthy glow, a perfectly round bump but no sign of weight gain anywhere else and she will still walk like a normal human being. Reality though is a million miles away from this and with all those happy smiley fakes out there, mums to be will feel like the world is conspiring against them in some cruel joke.

I have found my second pregnancy much more taxing than my first both physically and emotionally. The result: me standing naked in front of the mirror at 4 months pregnant sobbing ‘I don’t look pregnant I just look fat!’ So today I’m going to share my experience of the dark truth about your pregnant body! Remember those ‘no other pregnant woman looks/feels like this, I must be a monster’ feelings aren’t just you and you aren’t alone! 

1. Morning Sickness

Ah morning sickness, the greatest misnomers known to woman kind, it should be known as whenever it bloody feels like it sickness, there is no magic moment at noon where you suddenly feel human again! In my first pregnancy morning sickness was a minor annoyance, random nausea, threw up a few times and well and truly gone by 12 weeks. Second pregnancy though, the sickness started before I’d even missed a period and knocked me out for my entire first trimester! So, if you are throwing up for the 5th time that morning and are crying because pregnancy is making you miserable- this is normal! Don’t let anyone make u believe otherwise! *

2. Hair and Nails.

When you read about it on paper the effects pregnancy has on your hair and nails sounds like they should be AMAZING! An increase in Oestrogen and other such lovely hormones make your hairs ‘growth cycle’ longer and then stops it falling out as fast when it’s done growing. At the same time your nails are growing faster and stronger, in theory every pregnant woman out there should be jumping for joy before heading to the salon for a restyle and a mani/pedi… now here’s the reality!

Hair

Your hair is growing thicker and faster; on your head this means more insulation to stop heat escaping from your over heated sweaty pregnant self and as such said hair looks more greasy than glossy and it’s mostly just annoying the hell out of you! As a mumma in her second summer pregnancy I highly recommend <these> cooling towels they are great for cooling off, can be used around the neck, on pulse points, to generally cool down the skin or my personal favourite wrapped round your head like a scarf!**

Unfortunately, it’s not just hair on your head that’s growing thicker and faster it’s hair everywhere! For anyone thinking “well shaving more often isn’t that bad” remember that once you enter the second trimester you can no longer reach 90% of what you want to shave!! Standing on one leg at six months pregnant with an ankle on the sink holding a mirror at your lady parts NOT A GOOD LOOK! Yet somehow easier than trusting your spouse with the razor to do it for you. Then to top it all off hair starts sprouting where there was no hair before! The day I found one random thick black hair sprouting out of my nipple I flew into a full-on pregnancy rage ranting about turning into a gorilla and promising death to my husband who found the whole situation hilarious!

Nails

I’ll be honest and say that the nails are the lesser evil in the hair and nails chaos, fingernails that grow faster can be trimmed and cleaned with ease although if you like painted nails or extensions, you will be racing to keep up with them as they grow out! Toenails are more complex because again you can’t reach the god damn things – personally I ignore them for as long as I physically can before attempting long distance yogic style nail cutting! This probably isn’t the safest method of nail trimming and you may be better off asking someone else to do it or getting a pedicure!

3. ‘Being pregnant’ and ‘your hormones’ are suddenly a reason for people to be dicks!

We all know that pregnancy throws a lot at your body and your mind (I wouldn’t be writing this post if it didn’t) but other humans seem to take that as an excuse to generally disregard anything you are thinking or feeling as ‘hormones’ and then say or do something downright rude. I’m not talking about when your spouse accidentally eats the last strawberry yogurt from the fridge and you proceed to scream at them for an hour whilst sobbing uncontrollably – that is definitely hormones and in your next non crazy moment you will cringe in embarrassment at threatening divorce over a 50p yogurt. What I’m talking about is when you have a genuine physical or emotional issue, either with yourself or with someone else and it’s brushed aside as a ‘pregnancy thing’ you shouldn’t moan about, here are a few examples I’ve had in this pregnancy alone:

a. ‘You asked for this’ – Oh my God this one gets me every time, at various points in my pregnancy I have (as every pregnant mama has the right to do) complained about said pregnancy, for example: “I’m through with listening to what my body tells me it wants to eat and then proceeds to throw the lot back up again” and then to receive the response (from a woman who has had kids) “well you asked for this and now you have it, be grateful.” GOOD GOD KAREN! I said I was fed up not that I didn’t want my child wind your neck in!

b. “Because you’re pregnant” and “I’m just ignoring you” These two generally go hand in hand and are so condescending it is unbelievable. Usually, the precursor is something the other person has done which has irked you in some way, when you then bring this up with the other person (I’m talking grown up adult conversation, no shouting, swearing, finger pointing etc) they become super defensive, deflect the fact they did something wrong, or even worse ask what someone else thinks about the situation which is completely irrelevant. When you don’t back down on your position, they then turn the whole situation back on you, “Oh you’re only saying this because you’re pregnant, I’m just going to ignore you” as if pregnancy is some sort of disease that makes you a lesser human! My darlings if someone uses this as some sort of excuse inform them that their behaviour is totally unacceptable, your unborn child is not a weapon to be used in an argument and walk away, if you are upset by someone’s actions you deserve to discuss them openly not be fobbed off with it being turned around on you!

4.  Why is everyone suddenly touching me!?

I am an incredibly tactile person, but this still drives me insane, I don’t know how the touch-phobic amongst us ever survive pregnancy. Even the most naïve mum to be knows to expect to be poked, prodded and generally aggravated by medical professionals that’s part of the package but it doesn’t stop there. Suddenly complete strangers are rubbing your stomach and handing out advice (see everyone has an opinion below) and this is a new level of creepy! I have no issue with people I love stroking my ever-expanding bump, although my husband has on more than one occasion had his hands slapped away because (a) ouch that hurts (b) great now I need to pee (c) F*** off I’m trying to sleep. Weirdly my loved ones generally ask, or at least prewarn me that they are about to grab my belly and I’m unphased if they don’t get permission. Whereas strangers and vague acquaintances will take once look at me, forget everything they have ever learnt about personal space or social distancing and start prodding enthusiastically at my unborn child and making me cringe as they make stupid statements like ‘ooh its solid isn’t it’ or ‘wow it’s really high up’ whilst the back of their hand brushes uncomfortably against my under-boob or even worse way to close to the waist band of my pants. I have tried so hard to tell people to kindly get their hands off me, but I am too polite and British to actually do this so instead I inwardly cringe and scurry off as fast as I can. Mama’s out there please don’t follow my lead on this one, start the revolution and tell the weird bump molesters out there to get their hands off of you when it makes you uncomfortable.

5. Everyone has an opinion.

Oh the advice and opinions you receive! In 99% of cases you haven’t asked for it and aren’t listening to it, but it’s considered bad practice to yell ‘shut up I don’t care’ at your work colleagues and old people that stop you in the supermarket (again this may be one of those overly polite and British things) Here’s a few examples

a. (I shared this one on Facebook so you may have read it before) Standing in a lift at work minding my own business about 20 weeks pregnant, feeling incredibly uncomfortable rocking my hips trying to encourage my child to remove whichever pointy part of them is currently digging into me, a nurse who I have seen in passing turns to me and says “you shouldn’t do that the baby will get used to being rocked to sleep!” for a second I was stunned in front of me stood an intelligent woman, a woman who has a degree in nursing, who believes that an unborn child can be preconditioned to sleep behaviours before they are born! If that was the case all women would have to stop walking/ exercising/ working/ moving in general the day they got a positive pregnancy test. Thankfully I didn’t have to respond to this one the lift arrived on my floor, so I nodded politely and scurried away.   

b. “Sleep when the baby sleeps” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry took me a minute to regain my composure from laughing so hard there. If only it were that simple then I’d also be showering when the baby showers, cleaning when the baby cleans and cooking when the baby cooks!

c. “I don’t know why women moan about childbirth, if they jump up and down the baby will just fall out” This cracker came from a straight 19-year-old male who had never had a girlfriend – the fact he thought the female reproductive system is just a giant saltshaker may explain why the girls were steering clear tbh!“Don’t waddle it’s bad for your hips” – My hip bones are spreading apart and there is a small human chilling out in between them – the only way I’m not waddling is if you shut up and carry me!

6. The C word (I mean Cankles get your mind out of the gutter)

For anyone who has never heard this expression before Cankles is the portmanteau of the words calves and ankles and pretty much means that the two have become one and not in a Spice Girls kind of way, but instead because your body is carrying so much extra fluid it literally has no where to go so it pools where ever it can find a space, resulting in swollen ankles, swollen knees, puffy hands and pretty much any other body you can think of, then just when you think it couldn’t get any worse the sun comes and all your swollen bits and pieces expand even further leaving your skin feeling like it has been stretched across a tennis court! Fluid retention sucks and if your significant other (or anyone for that matter) ever uses the word Cankles in your presence during pregnancy you are permitted to throw things at them! There are a few things that can be done to help reduce water retention including drinking more water (yes I know that means you’ll be peeing even more but it’s worth it), both resting and exercising the swollen area – I know this makes no sense but hear me out if you have been on your feet all day that fluid will have worked its way into your legs, give them a break, lay down with your ankles above your heart (laying on the floor with your legs up the wall is brilliant for this) and allow gravity to drain the stagnant fluid from your legs. On the flip side if you have sat around all day doing nothing your body will have seized up and fluid will be lurking everywhere, gentle stretching or a light walk will loosen up all those tense joints and help send the fluid on its way. Finally hot and cold packs can help – again here me out on this one as it is situational – on a hot day soaking your feel in a bowl of cool water will feel great and reduce swelling, were as if the lymph glands around your groin have decided to expand, you’re much better off with a wheat bag wrapped in a towel to settle the discomfort. ***

7. Lightening Crotch.

Yes, guys that is a thing! If you have never heard of it, it can be downright terrifying the first time it happens– as the name suggests it feels like lightening shooting through your lady parts, it’s caused by your expanding uterus putting pressure on nearby nerves resulting in shooting pains that fires through your bits and has you doubling over in pain and those around you freaking out because they think you’ve suddenly gone into labour – watching their reactions would be quite funny if it didn’t hurt so damn much! It can also cause random pins and needles – I get one odd patch on the outside of my left thigh, that’s less painful and more annoying. In severe cases it can develop into PGP (pelvic girdle pain) which can cause major movement issues and speaking to a doctor or midwife is essential. I have a friend who swore by her <PGP support belt> (although it can be a bit sweaty) whilst I have found that using <KT tape> to be a life saver in supporting my bump when I need a bit of extra support.  

8. Stretch marks

As a girl who at 16 years old was a size eight and since then has gone up to a size 18, yoyoed between a size 10 and 18 many times and gone through two (well actually 1.75 so far) pregnancies I was no stranger to stretch marks long before becoming a mother, but for someone who until pregnancy has had a steady body size they can be a massive shock, these crepe paper crinkles that can vary from white and almost invisible to a really angry looking red will take up residence over your tummy, boobs, hips, bum and anywhere else they feel like pretty much, you may reach the end of your pregnancy thinking wow I’ve somehow avoided stretch marks only to give birth and the next day realise your jelly belly is as stripey as a candy cane. I know from experience that this simple thinning of the skin can leave you feeling so body conscious you don’t want anyone, your spouse included to see you, hiding behind baggy t-shirts and one-piece swimsuits. I think my big realisation of how much my body image had changed came when Baby D was about 9 months old and we were taking him on his first foreign holiday I had been out and brought 2 new bikinis, sensible high waisted bikinis with sturdy cups and proper underwiring (the underwiring was not my smartest move as I was still breast feeding but we live and learn!) When I showed Hubby them, he described them as very ‘Mum’ bikinis – initially I was a little disheartened at the description but I later realised what he meant, after I dejectedly muttered ‘well I am a mum’ and his response was ‘exactly, that’s not a criticism’ what he meant was that I was accepting my body as it was and embracing that it was different now and yes I still have days where I loathe the extra skin and tiger stripes but that’s who I am now and that person has done an amazing thing – she has grown children. So, it may take time and of course there may be work in the form of diet and exercise post partem to physically or emotionally improve your relationship with your body, but Mumma you are you and every one of those red and white stripes is proof of that – be proud of who you are!

9. Exhaustion

Oh, the exhaustion of pregnancy, again many people aren’t aware of this one until it happens, everyone knows that once the baby is born you will be tired, sleep deprived and grumpy, but until you experience it in pregnancy very few people are aware of its existence. From personal experience the exhaustion is one of the pre missed period signs of pregnancy, as soon as that lil bundle of cells burrows in to set up home, you are done for, by 8pm you are comatose on the sofa wondering when washing dishes became an ultra-marathon! Unfortunately, this became the baseline for the remainder of both my pregnancies (and it only went downhill from there) If you are struggling speak to cope with home, work or anything else call on all every available resource you have, friends and family, colleagues and your bosses, your GP and midwife. I know it can be hard to ask for help, but when you’re growing a human you need to look after yourself, I was lucky enough have a super supportive boss during my second pregnancy, who bent over backwards to help me adapt both my workload, workspace and hours to maximise my comfort until I started maternity leave, if your workplace seem less than willing to support you, check your company maternity policy, the government guidelines on maternity, speak to the Citizens Advice Bureau or to your GP/Midwife, they can support you in knowing your rights and getting the support you need at work. If this is your first pregnancy then nap at every opportunity you get to keep your energy levels up, if you already have a brood at home try to rest as much as you can, get your spouse to do the assorted parenting and adulting whilst you lay down and rest your football sized ankles it may not be perfect but at least you are resting.

So puffy, grumpy, stripey, sweaty and generally p*ssed off mumma’s as ever remember you are not alone in the jungle of baby growing and the mamma’s the media throw at us are as fake as Katie Price’s boobs! So do not feel like your pregnancy is making you a monster, you are growing a baby, you rock!

Love and Light

Namaste

Li

*Morning sickness can range from non-existent to exorcist level vomiting if you feel you are struggling and/or are at risk of dehydration contact your GP immediately, in extreme cases you may require hospital treatment its always better to be safe than sorry!

** Sadly, I don’t get paid for product endorsements I’m just sharing stuff that could be useful – please note I have no medical knowledge, I’m purely sharing personal experience. 

*** A side note about you’re lymph glands, keep an eye on them throughout you’re pregnancy, I only recently found out after my massage therapist pointed out that one of my arm pit glands was really swollen (this can be a sign of an infection) that pregnant and postpartum women often get swelling in the armpits and groin due to the body preparing for lactation, so keep an eye on all your glands and if in doubt speak to a doctor or midwife.