Hello again My Friends,
Welcome back to my rambling world, today I bring you a post inspired by a post I read on Pinterest a while ago, I was another mum blogger and usually I would never put down another parents blog even if I didn’t agree with their opinion, each to their own and all. BUT this individuals opinion just set me teeth on edge. The overall theme of the piece was that Mum’s who highlight the fact that they are a “boy mum” are only doing so because they are wanted to have a daughter and so therefore were over compensating for the fact they didn’t have one by making a ‘big deal’ about having a son(s). So with this annoyance in mind and the inability to compare what being a ‘boy mum’ was like compared to being a ‘girl mum’ (in the process of this I also realised that I am the definite minority in my friendship group the 8 other mums I spoke to all had two+ small people). As you can imagine my “research group” was quite small and limited to friends who had small people a similar age to D who wouldn’t think it was strange if I asked them about weird stuff their kids did that may or may not differ dependant on their gender. I have shared some of these thoughts below.
The Mental Connection
This is the big one for me, as a cis woman I have never been a 5 year old boy, I honestly do not get Minecraft, Ninjago or any of the other assorted things the majority of the boy population like (I will come on to gender expectations in a minute). I also don’t understand how the male thought process works, or how they react emotionally to things. Whilst I know that we cannot read minds I have an inkling that I would have a slightly higher chance of knowing what a girl was thinking or feeling (girl mums’ please let me know if I’m wrong on that one!) So not just between genders but child to child – it’s just different.
Social Expectations
Oh the dated views of what a child should be interested in and how they should behave based on their randomly allocated genetic make-up. I am very much of the opinion that my son has the right to choose his own likes, dislikes and interests based on what he enjoys not on what other people think he should like. Sadly many other people are very closed minded, I know that these expectations are there for girls as well, the expectation to be fluffy, sweet and submissive, but the feminist movement has helped kick some prejudice’s aside (some not all) sadly this step for equality does not seem to be a two way street whilst women are now ‘allowed’ to be mechanics and play football, but if a five year old boy wants to play with a pushchair or wear pink then you are ‘making him gay’… erm no actually Karen, I think you’ll find that growing up and deciding to have a committed relationship with another man would make my son gay and it will have nothing to do with the £3.50 pink George at Asda t-shirt he is currently wearing! Here are a few of the other classic sexist comments I have heard about things boys shouldn’t do:
- Stop crying you’re not a girl!
- You shouldn’t have long hair you’ll look like a girl!
- *insert name of toy here* is for girls!
I am yet to work out what is so wrong with being like a girl if I’m honest! Recently at an appointment at the hospital I had the biggest smile on my face as D happily left a nurse in shock by not being ‘boyish’ enough. After having his weight and height checked he was told he could choose two stickers, this nurse offered him, Toy Story, Ninjago, dinosaurs, Cars and all the other ‘boy’ options. D happily ignored all of these and made a Bee line for two ‘girly’ unicorn stickers. My only issue with these stickers – just like every other sticker D has ever had was the same – at some point I will find it stuck to an item of furniture and have to pick it off!
Clothes
So the last two points were the big topics, this on the other hand relates to the ‘stereotypical’ boy behaviours exhibited my mine and my friends small people.
- Clothes shopping – one of my mum friends pointed out the nightmare of shopping for her two boys, you go into a shop and walk past rack after rack of cute, funny, pretty girls clothes in every colour and style imaginable. Then you reach the boys section, one rack of non-descript t-shirts, hoodies and trousers in a range of dingy colours with maybe one actually nice t-shirt in there. IT SUCKS. Why is it assumed that boys don’t want to wear nice things?
- Following on from my above statement is the whole pink vs blue argument! up until the early 20th century colour stereotypes were not really a thing, although blue was seen as a more ‘dainty feminine’ colour, they in the 1950s a market retailer realised that they were losing out on sales because parents reused clothes on subsequent children regardless of gender (and we say the older generation didn’t recycle!) and made a mass ‘pink is for girls’ advertising campaign which stuck! So here we now are in 2022 in a society where we are expected to dress our children in a specific colour so strangers know what their genitals look like!
- Finally on the clothing front, is boys lack of interest in wearing them! I have always been a free spirit who preferred to be au naturel when ever physically possible so when reached about three and a half (when he was tall enough to climb up to the windowsill) and it became a regular if not daily occurrence to find my self yelling “Get your butt out of that window, put some pants on and stop wiggling your willy at the neighbours!” I honestly thought this was self inflicted for being a hippy mumma, but then I was talking to a friend and telling her about my boy and his naked antics and I received an anecdote in return which made me realise I wasn’t alone, it went something like this,
What is it about boys? More than once I have been folding laundry and had a weeks worth of clothes for me and hubby, a months worth of clothes for ‘girl child’ because she changes 4 times a day then for ‘boy child’ all I have is like 3 pairs of pants because he lives in his dressing gown!
my friend Lindsey – names of children badly changed to protect the innocent!
I remember after this nearly dying laughing and thinking ‘thank god its not just me!’
Behaviour
Two caveats before I begin this section. 1) I am not about to begin a boys are naughty girls are nice argument – all small people are capable of reducing a grown woman to tears whilst she hides in the kitchen and inhales chocolate! 2) ‘boy behaviour’ is not limited to boys I can thing of three little girls who’s mums’ say they should of been born boys, never yet met a mum who’s said ‘he should of been born a girl’ about their son so I’m assuming they’re just thanking their lucky stars their boy has some chill about them!
So recently after a high speed scooter related mishap I spent several hours in a and e so D could have his head glued back together, when I recounted this tale to a colleague the next day I was informed it was a ‘right of passage for boy mums’ and she had been there with hers multiple times! This theme seems to carry through my mums who have one of each with it largely boiling down to something resembling, the ability to go and make dinner and know that their daughters are happily chilling out and playing quietly, their sons on the other hand have them on high alert 24/7 because they are constantly into everything, climbing jumping off of things and generally doing anything that can result in them accidentally killing themselves. One friends nicknames her son Bush Boy, because of the amount of times she has to rescue him from trees/bushes after he has climbed one and gotten stuck! I’m not sure if it’s less fear, less common sense or some combination of the two – but boys seem to lack the ‘this mite kill me’ mentality!
And finally…
…The Willy!
No comparison of boys and girls would be complete without a mention of the willy boys are obsessed, they will get it out, wiggle it around, stretch it and will spray wee all over the house with it! As a boy mum, going into a house with a carpeted bathroom (carpeted, just why!) is enough to cause a panic attack!
So there is my comparison of the boy child and the girl child. To that individual who said women who #boymum their pictures are just over compensating for not having a girl, you couldn’t be more wrong I adore my little dude and would not have it any other way, but when I post a photo of a nakey pants boy child (with large appropriately placed emoji covering his bum) stuck in a washing machine, or check in at a and e for the 3rd time that month, I use that hashtag because a – I am proud to be a boy mum and b- being a boy mum! It’s just different!
Until next time
love and light my friends
Namaste
Li
xxx
Upson Family Values 