Who’s idea was it to do that stupid elf anyway!

… oh wait that’s right it was mine!

Yep it’s that time of year again folks, the time of year when well meaning parents who a few years ago decided the idea of a mischievous elf who causes havoc whilst you slept and reported back to Santa if you were still on the nice list, contained just enough Christmas magic and blackmail to make it worth while…

In reality what those parents did was was give themselves an annual 24 day stress headache, accompanied by a few bouts of waking at 3am in a panic thinking f*** I forgot to move the elf!

I joined this wonderful club when D was just 16 months old, he had been gifted a cuddly elf called Dazzle the previous year and my inner ‘fun mum’ had decided it was just too magical not to join the elf adventure club (despite the fact my child was in no way old enough to know what an elf was let alone why it was in our house), but I made that mistake and as you’re reading this I’m guessing you probably did too! So here I am sharing a few of my favourite elf antics from previous years along with my 24 day elf antic crib sheets for 2021. Enjoy!

• Their elf friend arrives bringing advent calendar and a note reminding them to be good! (If you have a ‘Santa cam’ pop it up now and blame the elf)
• Elf had a sweetie binge – sat in a celebrations tub surrounded by wrappers and discarded chocolate crumbs
• Can you find the candy canes? Hide a box of candy canes around the room and then drink your coffee in peace in the kitchen whilst they search. Bonus idea if you have multiple small people give them each a different coloured cane and tell them it’s a race to who can find all of their Colour the fastest, competitive kids don’t look as thoroughly so they will b busy for longer 😜
• Let’s put up a Christmas tree! – you’re going to have to do it anyway so grab the boxes out of the loft the night before and cash in on an effort free elf idea!
• Marshmallow igloo! – if you can’t build one freestyle (it’s harder than it looks) use writing icing to stick marshmallows to an upside down cereal bowl if it still won’t work then change igloo into 2d snowman!

• Train track round the Christmas tree – if your small person/people love trains (or car tracks) make a train track loop around the bottom of the tree with a little station of people waiting for a Christmas ride 🚂
• snow ball fight- all you need is 1 elf, one teddy/doll friend, two Lego walls to hide behind and a tonne of small paper balls or cotton balls job done!
• fallen in the fish tank (again) – our elf is not the brightest of creatures, so annually he will do something (or several somethings) that aren’t particularly bright. Falling in the fish tank is one of those things – in case you’re thinking how the F do you get it dry – the answer is you don’t – you just wedge your unsuspecting elf between the glass and the wall behind the tank.
• cleaning his butt with a toothbrush – yes, I know, gross but kids love gross stuff and I have a 5 year old son (and a 38 year old husband) who think calling a tooth brush a bum brush is comedy gold!
• finding treasure down the back of the sofa cushions – I don’t know about you, but the back of my sofa is full of toys, food debris, small change and giant dust bunnies, I have witnessed my child find and consume a (thankfully sealed) sweet from down the back of the sofa. So give them a giggle wedge that elf between the cushions and scatter there discovered treasures around them.

• head down in the cat biscuits bag, “worst cookies ever” – just hope the cat doesn’t take offense and dispose of the elf!
• cooking Haribo eggs in a frying pan – quick easy and you will be forced to consume the rest of that bag of Starmix to hide the evidence!
• tangled in wrapping paper, ‘This did not go as planned’ lay out a few nicely wrapped presents followed by one tangled catastrophe of elf!
• Lego ginger bread house – when I spend a Tuesday night building a Lego house when I should be in bed I will curse myself for even thinking of doing this – but I shall try!
• swinging from the ceiling in a pair of pants – Much like Bum’s my darling 5 year old finds pants hilarious! So an elf wearing his pants – total hilarity (this also works with bras which kids also find hilarious!)

• sleeps ’til Santa – use pen and paper, fridge magnets, Legos, or any other toys you have lurking around to spell out how many sleeps there are left until Santa comes.
• snow angel – flour, cake sprinkles, smarties etc anything that can be scooted aside to make an angel outline for your elf to lay in, quick, easy, but inevitably a bit messy!
• stuck in the blinds (again) – As I previously stated this elf is an idiot, it annually gets stuck in the blinds whilst trying to magic its way in and out of the house.
• Riding the child’s bike/scooter – ultimate laziness plonk elf on chosen ride on toy! I love lazy elf antics!
• TP the Christmas tree – the original version my 2020 Covid secure Christmas tree. Toilet roll is also hilarious when thrown around the house apparently.

• Roasting marshmallows – cocktail sticks, marshmallows, a giant candle and an elf happily toasting them to snack on.
• Elf covered in stickers – this house is full of sticker sheets and D is often covered in them himself so an elf covered in stickers is relatable, funny and easy!
• Playing board games – Choose a game set up elf and his friends and lay the game out. Dazzle has played everything from Scrabble to Texas hold ’em poker, gambling chocolate coins with Donald duck!
• Christmas eve box – Again Daniel always gets an Xmas eve box, so the elf can bring it with our Xmas eve book, DVD, PJ’s, snacks and Santa’s magic key. Two birds, one stone.

And for when they’ve been little S****

• Elf on strike – Elf holds a placard – no more magic until behaviour improves!
• naughty and nice list with how to get back on the good list – Two list’s naughty and nice, all their friends and siblings on the nice list (unless of course they were beating the snot out of each other yesterday and then they go on the naughty list too) plus a check list of how to get back on the good list! 1. Apologise, 2. Use kind voices, 3. listen to others etc etc etc.
• last chance letter from Santa – A formal typed letter from Santa, sitting next to your elf saying that if they are naughty again then they will be staying on the naughty list and Santa will not bring their presents (yes I know its bribery but it works) My friends son got a last chance letter in October after making Mummy very angry, starting early I know but now all show has to do is Wave that note and he’s an angel! That’s a mummy win.
• No elf just a note – Same theory as a placard only without the effort of making a placard!

Hopefully I have given you some Elfie inspiration to make December run a little more smoothly. I would like to tell you now that I am not actually as organised as having this list seems. I will have the list, I will forget to but the marshmallows or build the Lego house and will wake up in a panic at 3am cursing that god damn elf’s existence. So don’t worry we can all be elf cursing grumpy people together.

Until next time,

Stay safe my loves ❤️

Namaste 🙏

Li