When you become a mother you hear it all. Everyone you know and a lot of people you don’t will give you their opinion. One argument you will get dragged into time and again will occur the second you announce you’re expecting, you won’t of even outgrown your favourite jeans when someone will ask;
“So are you going to go back to work?”
No matter how you answer this question you will be told that you are wrong. You’re messing your child up, stunting their development, being selfish. I have heard them all. I have been lucky enough (or unlucky enough depending on your viewpoint) to experience both sides of the fence. I spent three wonderful years at home with my baby boy, before returning full time to the working world. If you asked me which I preferred doing I honestly couldn’t tell you. Being a stay at home mum was exhausting, emotionally taxing and incredibly rewarding, working is also exhausting, emotionally taxing and incredibly rewarding. So here I am sharing some of the most ridiculous, rude and at times actually hilarious things people have said to me!
“You can’t leave him he’s just a baby!”
This one annoys the hell out of me to this day. Less than a month after returning to work in November 2019, when my boy was 3 years and 3 months old I was chatting to a co-worker about how strange it was being back in the real world after being at home for so long, said co worker asked how old my son was and when I told her she came out with “You can’t leave him he’s just a baby! I didn’t go back to work ’til my youngest was 11!” In that moment I had no idea how to respond. I knew what I wanted to say but I may of lost my job. I wanted to say “Well actually Karen* its none of you F-word-ing business! I already feel insurmountable guilt for leaving my precious little boy with strangers every day to do what is right for our family so wind your god damn neck in! You have never met my child but just so you are aware nursery has been the making of him, he has gained so much self confidence in the last four weeks that I know this is the best for both of us and coming back to work was necessary for my mental well being so kindly shut up!” Of course being British and overly polite what I actually ended up was saying was “Oh it’s fine, he loves nursery!” God Damn my Britishness!
“You’re so lucky you can afford to stay at home all day…”
This one is a corker on the grounds that this one came from another SAHM who was also at home with her kids whilst her partner worked. She didn’t seem to even remotely get the irony of the factor she was saying this to me whilst in the the same breath stating how difficult and awful being a stay at home mum was for her!
“You’re so lucky you can afford to go back to work!”
This one came from the same SAHM as above… just makes me chuckle that both statements came from the same person! Not to mention that in both cases luck didn’t come into it, it was all thought out and planned, we aren’t handed anything in this world!
“But don’t you feel guilty”
Yes, yes I do! about everything I have ever done as a mother!** Next question?
“Don’t you feel like you aren’t contributing to your family?”
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Excuse me whilst I just stop hyperventilating from laughing so hard! Just because you aren’t paid to be a stay at home mum, never let anyone tell you you aren’t contributing. As a stay at Home mum I kept my home running, my family fed, fitted everything into the family calendar, remembered birthdays and booked doctors appointments. I was 100% contributing so Karen thanks for your concern but you’re an idiot! (also please note I still do all this as a working mum so now I do get paid to do it all be it in a round about way!)
So Stay at home mum or working mum let me just say to you now you are smashing this, your crown may be a bit wonky, you may not have the motivation to clean up the entire box of cheerios that just feel out of the cupboard or your work shirt may have a chocolate handprint on the boob! But you are doing what is right for your family, so next time some interfering busy body decides that you need to hear their input, remember, in the words of the immortal Ronnie Barker “Don’t let the bastards grind you down!”
Until next time,
The light in me bows to the light in you,
Namaste 🙏
Li
* in the name fairness all annoying or aggravating individuals who I cannot name for legal reasons shall all be referred to as Karen, if they are male they shall be referred to as Man-Karen!
** mummy guilt is a big and real thing but that’s a story for another post!
Upson Family Values 